Being in a romantic relationship or experiencing narcissistic abuse from a family member, friend or work colleague can leave you feeling exhausted, confused, overwhelmed and scared by everything that is or has happened to you. Counselling can help you to make sense of your experience and work with you to find yourself again and to set personal boundaries so that you are able to move forward in life and achieve your goals.
Do you feel you have toxic people in your life and setting boundaries is difficult and impacting on your own wellbeing? Are you co dependent and put others needs first? Through my own personal experience of a narcissistic relationship I learnt that I was co dependent and feel an overwhelming responsibility to put other peoples needs first regardless of whether it was damaging to me physically and mentally. I have used this experience along with my counselling training and skills to help and support others to walk away from damaging relationships and to deal with the trauma and anger these relationships have caused. I have 15 years experience of narcissistic abuse and the damage this abuse can do and together we can work through your feelings in order for you to find yourself again and claim your life back.
There are many different terms you may have heard that are associated with narcissistic abuse and some of the terms are explained below:
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person or a group covertly sows seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or group, making them question their own memory, perception, or judgement. It may evoke changes in them such as cognitive dissonance or low self-esteem, rendering the victim additionally dependent on the gaslighter for emotional support and validation.
Stonewalling is persistent refusal to communicate used by the abuser as a controlling strategy. By simply doing and saying nothing the abusive person assumes a sense of power over their victim by putting themselves in control of if and when any conversation will be resumed. This causes such anxiety and stress to the victim.
Love bombing is part of the cycle of abuse and it explains the period of happiness where the narcissist is kind, loving, attentive and appears invested in the relationship.
Flying monkeys is another slang word for people who believe and act on behalf of a narcissist to slander and intimidate a victim of narcissistic abuse. The flying monkeys can be anyone from family to friends to strangers that the narcissist has told their pretend story to. The narcissist is extremely good at making false allegations against the victim which can include reporting them to the police or social services and encouraging the flying monkeys to believe these allegations. The false allegations can have a enormous impact on the victims life.
Discard is when the narcissist ends the relationship sometimes with no warning and this may leave you feeling distraught and heartbroken and wondering what happened as there is no closure. You may be left feeing if you where good enough and questioning what you did wrong. Remember, you did nothing wrong, this is the way narcissists end relationships.
Hoovering as the name says is when the narcissist tries to suck you back in with phone calls, emails, letters, stalking etc. Your self esteem may be extremely low at this point and you might find yourself remembering the good times you both had.